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10月30日 One week left =______=There is only one week left before the event and i am extremely nervous about it. I have been training myself so that i will be up for the challenge. It will be a very long run for me and i know i will be feeling very down during the race. Especially during the night when i am all worn out and exhausted. I am trying not to think about the event too much becasue i start to have some difficulty sleeping well at night. One more thing that has been keeping me awake at night has really got into me. I dont really know what i am doing right now and i dont know if i am doing the right thing. I really want it to be ture and at the same time, i am afraid that i will mess it up in the end... ... or it will mess me up instead. .. i dunno. i just dont really know. 10月24日 the old me and the 'now' me‘I hope people will treat you the way you treat them.’ It is written on a farewell card given to me by my friends at work, from my TCR Muji gang. My time there with them in TCR Muji was something I will not forget. I met a lot of friends, mostly crazy friends though =_=, and I learnt a lot from there.
Those I can still remember, Thelma, Jin, Theo and lovely Vicky were the managers. Of coz, there were Wayne, Luke, Tom, Tamara, Chau, sweet Miki, Yuriko, Vivi, crazy Tieuly, Estella, Malla, Nicolas and the two store room guys (sorry, I forgot their names =_=). We had so much fun together. We enjoyed going to pubs and bars and clubs. I really enjoyed drinking a lot and it was my favourite!
Maybe I were still young, (I was only 20 when I was with Muji) I didn’t seem to care about how other people thought about me. I had no argument and dispute with friends and I was always the one being joked at. Maybe I was naive, putting it in a more truthful way. I didn’t care about people being mean to me and I actually found it OK to me. As long as you were not hurting anyone, I wouldn’t be pissed. Having a laugh would be better than hating someone. Put it in other words, I was nice to everyone back then. Only back then.
I can tell that I am not the old me anymore and of coz, it is normal as people do change in time. I am still nice to people I respect but I have become aggressive and impatient. I became very narrow minded. One reason is that I sometimes have difficulty expressing myself. I find words and words for my feeling but I seem not to be able to get the message across. Laugh as you wish. I am ok with it. Just that when I want to say something seriously, people think I am making a joke and that’s what freaking bother me. I walked away with discomfort inside me. Things I don’t like to listen to always keep echoing times after times.
I was extremely upset some days ago and I am still having that negative feeling inside me. It was really sour and I felt really painful and when I was alone, I was really depressed. I would still laugh before everyone, at least I tried to. But I was very upset. Words can kill someone and words can change the way people think about someone. 10月19日 one of those days has hit me again =_=Trying not to think about it any more. but the harder i try, the more i will think about it. Silly emotion and silly me 10月7日 To Love or Not to LoveEveryone is very excited to be with their love ones and they won’t mind doing anything for them. They won’t mind seeing their love ones home (normally men do that). They won’t mind waiting for their love ones outside their offices (normally men do that). They won’t mind waiting outside boutiques for ages (normally men do that). They won’t mind taking their shopping AND handbags (normally men do that).
Then of course, women have also done a lot for men. Say, accepting the way their boyfriends / husbands are. Men can be really arrogant sometimes and they usually have their own set of judgments to see things. So compare to just seeing the gals home or taking handbags, I think men should learn to see things in different perspectives. I am also learning ^^
As for myself, I don’t like dating because it is so much hassle for me. I don’t like going out to start with. I like staying at home and have a quiet day instead of running out on crowded streets. ‘Lazy’ should be the word for describing myself. I am not lazy in many other things but I am extremely lazy in dating.
Even if I go out, I don’t like seeing my gal home. I don’t like waiting outside an office (actually, I wouldn’t even think about doing this to begin with!!). I hate waiting outside boutiques. I don’t like taking all the shopping. I definitely hate talking on the phone at night!! God, how much time do I have left for sleep! If you can’t fall asleep, I can!!! Get off the phone, would you! So this is me.
Some idiots… … well, they are actually my friends hahahahaha (^-^) suggested that I should date a man instead because they think it would be easier to date a man. At least I don’t need to do all the above things (Is it true? I doubt it though).
I dated some gals in the past but we ended up being friends again because they thought I wasn’t really involving myself enough into the relationship. The same old story, the ‘hate going out’ thing… I think I was not the ideal boyfriend to them and I knew I wasn’t. Therefore, for now anyway, I am not looking for any date until I think I can commit myself fully in a relationship and become a so-called 奴隶兽.
As for my friends’ suggestion… … well… … let me think about it first. 10月4日 Indulging myself in fattening food T.T it is definitely a sinI think i am the kind of person who will never be able to go on a diet. i used to be a fit person and i seldom ate junk food like McD and KFC and i hardly drank any soft drinks becasue i really hated the gas in them. well, i am still kind of ok not but i am not what i used to be, you know. Anyway, in recently years, i started picking up McD and KFC and i think i am addicted to soft drinks T.T
i always say to myself that i am no longer young and energetic and if i need to loss weight, i have to do some serious exercise. Fortunately, i did. Thanks god for my little preserverance. Otherwise i would have been much fatter. Still, i find that the amount of exercise i have every week just isnt enough to burn (not even to balance) the amount of calories i take every day.
i try really hard to avoid eating fattening food but it seems that it is the only food i can buy around my neighbourhood and workplace... ... how ironic =_= And, i really have to say that when i am not on holiday, i eat way more rubbish because of the stress and pressure i get from work. When i am under stress, i have to eat my way through. By doing so, i can ease the stress a little and make myself feel better.
One evening after dinner, i had a really strong desire to eat McD. i tried to hold back and seriously i did. but the desire was so overwhelming that i ended up driving my car to the nearest McD and bought i meal. Yes, a whole freaking meal with fries and coke, not just a burgar. i ate it just before i went to bed. Having that meal in my stomach was sooooooooooooo good!!!!!!!! OMG!
Tonight, i did the same only that i didnt buy McD. i bought KFC instead. yep! a whole KFC meal for god sake. i really have to swear at myself for being such a stupid pig T.T |
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