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1月29日 CNY dinneri had a really good CNY dinner last night. it was also my dad's birthday yesterday. so we celebrated the beginning of the year of the Ox and also celebrated my dad's birthday. My relatives and cousines from my dad's side were here for the dinner. they come every 'nin cho 2' to have a new year dinner. here are some pics.
1月22日 the last day has cometomorrow will the last day of school for my S7 class. this is the class which i have taught since they were in S6. This class, i have to say, isnt easy to deal with as there are many girls in the class and they are quite emotional sometimes. But come to think of it, i think i am more emotional them the girls ^^
i restrict them in a lot of things because i really care about them and i dont want them to do anything wrong while they are at school. then of course, i also dont want to them to do anything wrong outside school. I remember when i was teaching my first S7 class two years ago, i had a really difficult time as they didnt really listen to me, especially the girls. they ended up having really poor results. i thougth i should take some responsibilities for their poor perfomance as i was not being strict on them. if i had been stricter, they wouldnt have performed so bad. That's why i have always been saying i want to be the class master of the science class as there are more boys. it is easier for a male teacher to share things with male students.
with the experience i had with my former S7 class, i said to myself that i had to be strict with my students because i dont want to see them cry on the day i hand them their public result slips. 1月20日 meaninglesswent down and voiced out my discontentment. i was really disappointed because people at higher ranks dont seem to understand how their subordinates feel. or in a way, 'do they care?' it is true that i am working under so many people in my company (i didnt like calling it 'company' because i thought the word was very cold, sounded like no heart feeling attached. i used to call it 'school'. i always said to my friends that i had to 'go to school' instead of 'going to work: company. the word 'school' feels warmer ^^)
i understand how certain people feel and i really do. i feel sorry for some and i feel annoyed for some. i have been coming late to work very often these days. i dont have the energy to get up to work. i started to have doubt in me. i have questions which i am still searching for answers.
if smiling cant deliver my meaning then i dont need to smile at work. why asking for opinion whereas it is going to be a closed door discussion anyway. 1月17日 What more do i want!!Can anyone be satisfied easily? It is only a human nature to ask for more than what one has already have in hands. I always want to ask for more considering that I always feel that there is something missing in my life.
The thing is, I don’t know what I want. I seem to know, at the same time, I don’t seem to know. I am one who can be emotionally unstable. For your peace of mind, I seldom show other people when I am in such a condition. Maybe it is good in a way because I normally drill on it myself without dragging other people into my emotional trauma. ^_^. However, I do feel that the pain can be quite overwhelming and I just have to find a way to soothe the down-beat feeling inside me.
I like anything to do with fighting, I was a judo player and I kind of enjoyed it when I was a kid. I got a medal from a judo competition. It was only a bronze one but I was very happy indeed. Well, it has already been 15 years and hell knows where the medal is now. I don’t think I will pick up sports like judo or karate. Although I would love to, I would probably be too old for it now. ^^
This academic year is a very difficult one for me. Be honest, I am happy with what I am doing at work. What I mean by ‘a difficult year’ is that I have had a very fluctuated emotion. I am dragged down once and again by things that I don’t want to know and I don’t want to face. I didn’t blame anyone because there was no point in doing so. I can always stand right up after a few days and be normal again.
I have things that many people do not have. I live in a big house. I have a car. I have a good and stable (for now) job with good pay given that I didn’t work really hard when I was studying. I can buy good stuff for myself coz of the salary I have. I eat better than most people in the world. I am so fortunate that I am cared by so many. I was born British (most people was afraid of 97, it was considered lucky back then). I got a chance to study overseas. I can write, speak, read and listen to English. I have all the basic things many would want. Aren’t they still not enough for me? What more do I want then? I should be happy. I shouldn’t be sad. |
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